Agree with others. I do understand not being able to immediately leave. So it’s understandable not wanting to make waves until having all ducks in the row.

But in the meanwhile while trying to set everything up for leaving ASAP, he shouldn’t be out and about with kids he can’t properly manage and looking for excuses for him isn’t going to help anything. Of course everything is relative and he is not actively abusive parent but he is NOT a good parent. He might not be physically abusive partner, but he is a bad partner, he is emotionally abusive neglectful dishonest and he isn’t even a good provider (not like that’s important but sometimes it keeps women from leaving).

Lawyer consultations are often free and you do need to document what he says and does. Longer you stay more info (fake info) he’ll collect that you aren’t a suitable parent. He might get full custody and you’ll see them every other weekend and pay him child support. He’ll not take care of them as he isn’t good as a care giver but he’ll find a girlfriend to do it for him (not hard to find, sadly).

If you document his behaviors now and try to separate relatively soon, you’ll might be able to keep the kids as you are still breastfeeding etc and you are on maternity leave. Longer you wait likely you’d be screwed up in the process.

Plus longer kids live through this more likely they’ll look for the same kind of partners themselves and one day you will worry about safety of your grandkids. It’s up to you to break this cycle. There is zero benefit in holding on to this man.