Thanks... everyone....

have thought about this a great deal too.....

my MD.... won't help... so funny... she sent nurse to draw my blood.. and wouldnt even come back into the room... she had the nurse call me about the results a couple of days later... I had asked my MD for help with my ED... ie.. nurtitionist... help for why my body.. won't digest foods... the MD... just disappeared.. so.. what can I say....

my T... I don't want to "live" in his world I decided... or perhaps I do... am not jealous... really... but with is devoted wife and 3 daughters...

it really "cut" to my core.. when he said "my friend should not be expected to help.. and he had no friends that he would expect of that..
but.. when I asked him "do you have family that would help?"... well.. his response said it all "yes they would"...

and of course I have not family.. like that...

so... my friend.. of 27 years... why are we friends... well.. I love her... I do... and she can''t help her viewpoint on life.. it is ingrained in her.. as mine is in me... "I would help.. anyone because I have been in need... and so... I don't want anyone else to go without"...

my friend...by her own estimation.. is self-serving... she recognizes it thru the years.. and.. so it is one of the reasons they did not have children.. she.. just really says that she is.. self serving... she at times.. worries about it when she takes a look at her faith...but not enough to change her viewpoint"...

I think that my T.... pointing out that I am "alone".... was not helpful to a person with an eating disorder....

The eating disorder is terrifying enough... without dealing with the thought of being totally and compeletly alone in life... without anyone.. that cares enough IRL... to help me... live... get better...

It may be "reality".... but is stil very terrifying to me....

can't get help... from my T... my MD...

what is more.. scary... than being deathly sick... and being totally alone... in the dark of the night...

ya know??