I’d try to find other ways to hold your daughter without hurting her. Not trying to defend your partner but the whole situation looks a bit in a different light. He took it too far of course but his initial reactions might not be that different from how other people would react

I was also very small and couldn’t even lift my daughter passed probably age 2, she was a pretty big girl. That’s why it’s important she sleeps in a toddler bed where she can climb in and out without having to be carried on and off grown up bed. It seems to be causing problems. If your daughter gets repeatedly hurt (not saying intentionally) he could use it against you.