Seems like you're going through a lot - Although you tend to be able to distract yourself well so it's likelier that your mood symptoms could be 100% because of the decrease in Thorazine - Which is unlikely I think - Idk if a decrease in medication can cause suicidal thoughts alone..

In the way where me for example.. was suicidal after drinking alcohol - Really badly. There was underlying causes as to why I was feeling that way. I drank alcohol again - BECAUSE I was suicidal. Then I processed the feelings and they went away.

Idk if this helps as insight or is useless. Take care of yourself. Throwing up isn't good for bulimia recovery - Can be triggering. It reminds me of how I am addicted sometimes to drugs and yet take medications - You have to think yourself out of it and use logic, feelings...

We're not always going to be perfect and the choices we make that we think are good will lead to bad results just like the bad choices we make can lead to good results - Less often than the former though but it still counts.

I usually get inspiration from you cuz idk what I'm quite confused but I noticed that you seem to be doing well, then stop meds and do bad. It's a cycle but eventually you can catch yourself with realization of habit like how people quit doing something when they're ready - In an opposite way. We're changing constantly. Need to dance with the chaos and move with it.

Many jinxes happen and me saying I jinxed you un-jinxes it. It's ok cuz we're all supportive and wants what's best for each other..