But how can you be in a union when he has accused you of abuse and threatened you?

What I find concerning is you blame your own actions for his bad behavior. You didn't cause him to threaten you. He did that all by himself. Just because you leaned into him at the door, which is not physical abuse, this does not explain, justify or cause him to accuse and threaten you. His actions and reactions are his own responsibility, not yours. You are not the cause of his actions. This is faulty thinking.

I don't see how the two of you could possibly be in a "union" when he has threatened you and when he is setting you up to be the abuser and the bad parent.