I’m not sure I fully understand your situation, and I hope I didn’t say anything to make it worse. The way information was presented on this thread has me feeling confused and I sense how you are now feeling confused yourself.

I don’t like how he threatens you with he will get 60 or 100% custody should you divorce. Then he gets out of a state and back to himself and says he’d never hurt you. I hear you that you are saying there is something very wrong with him.

I just want to clarify about documenting in case of divorce. It’s like any other lawsuit. The parent who is already doing most of the critical parenting will continue to do so. The other parent will also be parenting enough to maintain and nurture a relationship with the child. They want to keep the child’s life as close as possible to what it was. So what you are doing now dictates to what will happen in a divorce. Unless there is abuse.

The lawyers and court don’t want to hear a he said/she said about incidents. Only if there are ones that do have police called in and reports made, or do have injuries to the child with proof would there be any parental rights punishment to either party. The courts do not want to make your three y/o testify.

In the beginning of this thread you said you love him and your kids, so I don’t want to go further down the possible divorce road when maybe you can work with a therapist and repair this marriage.

One suggestion I want to make is that you lessen the ‘you were supposed to be watching’ routine. Even if he’s watching them, you try to be there if you can, and you are also watching them from a distance, not stepping on his toes unless he is endangering them.

If he scolds you for not chasing after the baby when you saw she was safe, stand up for yourself. Tell him, you saw her and she was safe. Let him get off your back. You are the mother and you are not letting your kids get hurt.