i'm new. i'm undiagnosed and i just wrote a freakin 10 page bio for a post and lost the whole thing due to connection issues. there's no way for me to start again tonight but i can't close this page until i post something. i've read a lot of posts and i can SO relate to most of you guys.

i wish i could breathe. i wish i would give my attention to the real things in my life...instead of spending so much time with myself (in the bathroom, no less).

i've had a lot of signs of OCD- some form or another - for years. i know the difference between right and wrong.. how come i can't steer me? just 'who' is driving this vehicle anyway?

i'm terrified someone will be hurt because of me yet my kids HAVE been hurt because of something like i needed something/everything symmetrical and couldn't break my attention. that's just one little baby issues...my bag is a lot deeper than i like to admit.

i know i should see a dr about this but i haven't been able to walk through a dr's door in over 7 years.

i don't know what i expect by posting this... maybe i just want to 'confess' maybe i want support maybe i want to believe that i am not a bad person maybe i just need to know i'm not the only one.

ok...i guess i'm done. i guess........