So you gotta share good news when you got it, right? My appetite had returned which is great. It means I at least enjoy the food I eat right now because I feel like eating. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at work yesterday and I was very happy with what I saw. My “beer gut” has gotten significantly smaller. It’s still there but it’s small enough I don’t think I’d be so ashamed to be without a shirt now. Granted I don’t love my body, it’s not like I got some swimmers build or something, but it’s coming along very nicely. It’s a self-esteem booster. I’m 122.4lbs, which is actually below my ideal weight slightly. Weight hasn’t been my concern , because I’ve never technically been overweight or if I have, only slightly. I’ve been at the high end of my normal weight limit and was there for awhile. My problem isn’t food, it’s soda. I drank 6-7 cans a day. That is no exaggeration. That’s what has caused the “beer gut” and cutting it out mostly and all the walking is really paying off in that regard. If it wasn’t weird I’d probably send photos to everyone I know of me without a shirt hehehehe

So there’s that to be happy about. Work is ok. It’s sometimes hard closer to the end of the night to keep pace. I need better shoes, to wear shorts, sleep better etc. But right now I have no funds to the shoe part, I don’t like wearing shorts and much rather not (they just recommend gym shorts for when you have to crouch or bend, it’s easier obviously) and my sleep hasn’t been great. I got a headache last night that was really tough to power through but I did. It was from the new mask I have. It’s “adjustable” and I think I had it too tight on my face because when I accidentally broke one of the rubber adjustable things it hung loose on my face and I started feeling better. I’m kinda nervous about having to wear it tonight, I don’t want another headache (we were given two and I should probably wear the new, not used one). I slept 10 hours today. I feel groggy and like I’ve slept the day away. I have to leave for work within an hour and a half. But if I slept that long; my body needed it I guess.

It probably didn’t help I had no caffeine yesterday. I usually take my headache medicine (OTC) everyday to help curb headaches from not soda (my source of caffeine).i think I forgot to yesterday so that probably contributed. I’ll make sure to take some before work so I have caffeine in my body.

3/4 of my work week is done after tonight. Sunday went by quick, yesterday wasn’t so quick but I’m hoping I get through tonight no problem.

Mentally I’m exhausted. The emotional crap that I’m going through ruminates all night and I spend 10hrs a day everyday going through it again and again. I just want to think of something else. It’s to the point I don’t even wanna bring it up to my therapist because I don’t wanna go through 40+ hours of pain again. I had plans for telling her, and writing some letters etc and I’m just over it. I need a mental break.

Well, that’s it. Hope everyone is doing well.

MarcusAurelius