There are no easy answers to abandonment issues.

For me, it's super hard when I know it was not their intention. I tend to down play my feelings and as a result I end up discounting my value within myself.

Also for me, talking to them does increase the fear that they will get angry or hurt and leave. So, I work on it by talking to T about it as much as I can and from as many angles as I can. When I first started talking to her, that fear was so intense I would disassociate. Even now, I need lots of reassurance from her that she is ok, we are ok, that she is not taking anything I say personally and so on. I still end up apologizing for feeling hurt/angry in the first place or for bringing my "negative" emotions to her.

Hang in there.