I think there’s a bit of sunken cost fallacy...I put so much time and love onto the relationship that it’s mind boggling that it amounted to nothing. And of course, I loved him. It wasn’t all bad. And I stupidly kept holding out hope that if I just loved him hard enough, he’d treat me better. But not only did that not happen, but now he’s treating me like complete trash. Like I’m not even a person. And like the last 15 years never happened. All of his affection and attention is being put toward this new child junkie. And it IS gross, I agree! On so many levels. So you’re right to ask why I put so much value on him. I need to figure that out. I think I felt defined by his love (or what I thought was love.) like I somehow am not a full or complete or worthy person outside of the context of that relationship. So the question is; what do I do to rectify that within myself. Currently, I have moments where I feel like I can’t breathe. Or like there’s a rock in my chest. I’m scared to sleep b/c my thoughts turn to them together.