I have been seeing my therapist for over 4 years, doing trauma work, and I think overall we have a good relationship and I trust him, and I have made a lot of progress.

However, I can be incredibly sensitive and the lightest of challenges from him on certain topics and I shut down, becoming a hateful, angry, sarcastic totally uncooperative version of myself. Who I hate. This means we keep having almost identical sessions where I am unreachable. Afterwards, I feel terrible. It’s making me want to quit.

Even though I understand why I do this, that it’s a defence mechanism I needed to survive as a child blah blah, none of that feels empowering or helps me get out of that dark place once i have fallen down there.

But I don’t know what I can do differently or ask my T to do differently. Other than never challenge my thoughts at all. To be honest, I usually know that the things he challenges are just projections of my trauma, but when he points that out before I even have a chance to get stuck into a rant, I feel invalidated.

I don’t really know what I am looking for - maybe to feel less hopeless and hear that others have got through their strongest defence mechanisms? How did your therapist help you?
Thanks.