Please don't judge me. I've been this way since i was eight. ******Trigger Warning****

I was eight when I started having bad impulses towards kids and animals. I have never acted on them but they cause me anxiety. My therapist and I have explored what may have caused them but since we dont know we are focusing on how to deal with them. She keeps insisting there is a trigger or body memory that comes up prior to the impu I se. I keep telling her there isn't. Just the anxiety because there feels like a unknown force compelling me to act then the fear that I won't be able to stop myself from acting. If I was in a bubble I would be fine. The fear would be gone and the anxiety because I would have a barrier between me and whoever. She said she is going to send me an email with techniques to help but I'm not very patient. I'm not sure what I'm asking for help with and if this is the right forum. What do body memories feel like anyway? I'm so stressed.