@MsLady, if he is accusing you of changing what happened, then he is in fact, denying what truly happened that night. And he is denying you of your reality of what happened, which IS gaslighting behavior.

I had an abuser yelling at me once, yelling that I belonged in a straight jacket and he was trying to get in my room, so I was trying to shut the door on him to keep him away from me and to stop him from yelling at me. Is that considered abuse on my part or a reaction? What you did is not abusive. It is reactive and a reaction on your part to HIS abuse towards YOU.

What is concerning is your daughter is now repeating to others what she witnessed and heard. She will also eventually mimic these behaviors because they are what she is witnessing and absorbing as being normal behavior between adults.

You could end up having the police arresting YOU for domestic abuse if this continues on.