(((((((Vegansphynx)))))))),

First, you have to stay away from this man for your own mental health. Secondly, given what you shared you have pretty much grown up dealing with parents that were addicts so you were emotionally neglected and abused.

Also, this man doesn't LOVE this other woman or even you, he is completely self involved and his life revolves around whatever can give him a high and escape from himself and reality. You are experiencing a battle in your mind because you wanted to love and care and instead you faced rejection and deep hurt. What you learned to engage in is trauma bonding, that's what is familiar to you due to how your parents were and probably still are. Also, you saw your parents interact in ways you thought was love for each other, but they were bonded through their addictions and that's not real love.

You have more than just anxiety going on, you are struggling with trauma and most likely ptsd. Possibly you have some stockholms issues as well and don't even know it.

Do you use drugs or alcohol yourself?