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This is an ongoing power play with him and he is using your daughter to triangulate against you.
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This is the second incident that's played out in this way, in our entire 6yr relationship.. and both recent of each other. He has tried forming "alliances" with our daughter, who was then under 2yrs old. I addressed it then and he's since stopped this (at least in front of me).
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This is what narcissists do,
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My mom is very much this same way when it comes to playing the "victim" card and working others against you (among other things). It wasn't until I was approaching 40yrs that I realized this about her. It's no surprise I ended up in a relationship with a person who does the same.
I've concluded (in my head) that, although he exhibits some NPD characteristics, I wouldn't say he has this disorder. BPD really does seem fitting to me, and I know there's a lot of overlap with personality disorders. As it's been pointed out to me here, already lol, I'm not a "qualified psychologist".
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I am so sorry you are experiencing this because it really does create a sense of powerlessness. And YES, these kind of toxic people will look to use whatever they learn about abuse that THEY are doing to twist it to their advantage
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Thank you!! I do feel completely powerless, under the microscope, and alone in all this.
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They are extortionists and use anything they happen to learn to extort. They are looking for anything that can bring them a sense of power, and playing the victim will be included in that.
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Yes!! This is the term I was trying to find. This is exactly it. Any little bit of dirt he'll use against someone he's competing against.