I can't write much cuz I don't even know where to start.

My mental health is ok. I'm taking a 5mg olanzepine every night which is giving me complete insight and stability along with my Invega injection.

Last night was the worst night where my mom just got **** faced and didn't give a **** about me or anyone else. I left the shot glasses, cans and dishes for her to clean up when she gets home from work. She's going to complain but I'm not being involved in this alcohol addiction.

All of my rent money basically goes towards her alcohol addiction so I can maybe move in with my brother later in time and I'll have a place where I can get away from this nonsense. I should have done it years ago. Hopefully when her kids are gone (My sister is going to move out as well), she'll realize that the decisions that she has made has left her to where she's at - and hopefully she can find a man that treats her well - Although she only likes assholes so w/e.

I'm trying to decide what I want to do. I have a list of things but it doesn't feel comfortable to research and understand myself in this environment. It doesn't fee authentic like I have any understanding or support anymore.

I'm going to call my therapist tomorrow and look at options about moving out on my own. I'm gonna call my old psychologist/psych nurse as well. I'll try to make an appointment with a psychiatrist - Any... It doesn't matter at this point. I want to make sure that any new doctor/psychiatrist that I have doesn't change my meds - So I'm going to write a letter and get them to approve of it.

I'm basically frozen at this point and can't do anything productive. My mind is flooded with my moms drama. Why couldn't she just be a normal cancer patient and stop being so vain? She doesn't care if she dies. She's pretty much suicidal and starves herself - Doesn't listen to my concerns and worries. She's borderline and histrionic so I can't get the 10k dollars back that she took from me and she will sell my condo because it's in her name. I made a 7k downpayment when I was 18.

I'm going to talk to my disability worker and get the check put into my other bank account which isn't shared with my mom so doesn't have control over me anymore. Then I'm going to leave. I hate her when she's drunk - She's a completely different person and when she's sober, she's controlling and still manipulative.

I've had enough. I just want to focus and do things. I feel like a child or a teenager. I've been neglected my whole life.

And the whole economy crashing and COVID and social media, news, craziness is on top of all of that. But I'm very sane and will stay that way. I'm just having brain fog and a bit of dissociation so idk..