I grew up with a lot of abuse emotionally and physically. My family talked behind my back negatively and very unsupportive. Due to bad experiences with criticism, insensitivity, and rudeness I expect the worse in situations. If a comment is made that cannot be defined as rude or positive, I assume immediately its negative or insensitive. If someone doesn't like the color of my shoes,I don't care. Mocking my trauma, perceived personality etc hurts.
For example if someone starts discussing my trauma-the fear, hurt, sensitive feelings rise. I brace myself- oh no here we go again. A comment is made . My mind races to negative. They are making fun of me. Like a hamster wheel the comment propels in my mind- what does this mean, could it be this or that?

I try to remind myself yes in this world some people are rude, and others
who are not.

Why should I care what they think. Yet when they are insensitive about trauma it hits hard. Sometimes people blunder words or sentences or thoughts. It comes out of their mouths awkward.

So how do I start thinking neutral or positive in these situations?

I know when comments are truly rude or positive. Others that are not defined, my mind shifts automatically to negative, they are mocking etc.