For sure my life is real.

During my depressive episode (more than 3 yrs) į found love. We're together 1.5 yrs. Living together. I beat bipolar. Depression isnt so debilitating anymore. Į was self educating about treatment options. Tried many benzos. None of Ssri, Snri dont work. Neither depression, Neither escalating towards hypomania. Just that effexor and cymbalta was a disaster, my BP was so high. BP meds didnt help. Į quit immediately after few days į got back to normal bp.

Į feel more alive with Lamictal, and 50mg seroquel. And trying new AD - tianeptine. First week, but i feel benefit for short time. Even that, its good enough.

I start having my personality again. Į can express anger, but i have problems with crying, if į do so, it explodes.

My anxiety is high enough. Especially after hospital, with GI problems, 1. 5 diarrhea and didnt get treatment.

Į found valerian root helps my anxiety. IT calms me down, but with 1 tablespoon of it, į feel little high and problema concentrating. But cmon, į feel more relaxed (sedated) and dont feel heartbeats and physical anxiety.