Hello everyone, I may need to vent a little So this may be very long, I apologize. I’m 23 years old and am on the Autism spectrum. You could say I’m not the most responsible or motivated person. My whole life I’ve delt with anxiety, social anxiety and depression. When I graduated high school instead of going to college I got a job in customer service instead, as that was my mom and step dads deal for me to continue living with them, either college or a job. I’m just going to say, as someone with autism and not being as socially adept, it was one of the worst jobs ever. It was a cashier at the dollar tree. Every day I had crippling anxiety, even 4 months into the job. My mom and step dad simply don’t understand. My mom thought I was just shy, as she was shy when she was my age as well, she thought I would break out of my shell with this job, even though I told her about having said anxiety. This job broke the fabric of how I perceived people. I used to think there were a lot of good people in the world, but after this job, I just thought about how others treated people, every person I would look at, I wondered “do they treat cashiers or other people right or no?” I than got a job at a pizza place. It was not as bad as the dollar tree job but the high energy of the place and still dealing with customer service, really drained me, after a year of that job, I quit and my than girlfriend at the time, her dad recommended I go into Voc Rehab, so I did and got a job as a day porter. The job, even though it didn’t deal with people, still stressed me out, and for some reason I just couldn’t bare to ask my boss questions as I just have a lot of anxiety asking things. During that time my than girlfriend and I got an apartment so I was able to move out of my parents place. She had a car and license, however I did not, as driving makes me very anxious. Fast forward and my than girlfriend and I break up, and she kicks me out. My parents let me stay with them, but very hesitantly and they gave me a deadline to look for a job as I was let go of my last one. I kept getting distracted, trying to shut off the real world which I shouldn’t have, I’m an adult, so when the time came I didn’t have a job and I was going to be put in a homeless shelter, but my grandma took me in and I managed to find a janitorial job and get my license (still no car though) the thing with my grandma is, despite her good intentions of taking me in, which I am very grateful for, she is very narcissistic and when she gets drunk she gets very very mean. My current girlfriend and I are long distance (6 hour drive away) We’ve been together nearly 4 years and with this current Covid pandemic going on, I lost my job. I liked my janitorial job for the most part, but I was working 7 at night until 6 in the morning and didn’t get much time to talk to my girlfriend, and there are places we clean which have people in them and I really get anxious and the job doesn’t pay good either, and on top of that I don’t want to be a janitor for the rest of my life, I want to provide for my girlfriend and I, I want her to have a good life, it’s just so many things make me anxious, like driving and finding a new job has been hell because there are only really customer service jobs out there at the moment and warehouse jobs are just asking for forklift drivers and people who already have experience and I have to pay my grandma rent but I am not on unemployment as I made a really stupid mistake and now I owe the department of labor, and I’m really depressed at my grandmas, I know I shouldn’t be, I have a roof over my head and food so I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself. My mom and step dad wanted me to watch there house for a week while they take a trip to California and it has been the best time of my life as I can be alone and get away from my grandma but my mom told me they would be back on Saturday but than I just got a text saying they would be coming back today and I just really can’t handle unexpected things, I think because of my autism but I don’t know. I’m just very depressed, having to go back to my grandmas and my step dad really doesn’t like me, and I barely talk to my dad. Anyways thanks for letting me vent everyone.