Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I'm sorry you're so triggered...I'd definitely talk about it with T1.
So I have two thoughts. One is the idea mentioned above that you're triggered about working with her because she's a woman. Maybe not just that she's a woman, but you said she had seemed very kind and gentle in the waiting room--could that be triggering you for some reason? Like, were you maybe hurt by a female who seemed very kind and gentle? Or do you not feel you deserve to be treated that way by someone? Or, I think you mentioned at some point that you wear more masculine clothes at times. Does she seem particularly feminine or "girly"? Could that maybe trigger you? Or else just really put together? I had some issues with that with ex-T, where she seemed very polished and pulled together and I...wasn't. (OK, that was multiple thoughts in one.)
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I am a farm girl so I am more comfortable in jeans and a T shirt or sweatshirt but I can polish up and enjoy it on occasion. She is much more feminine than I am... but basically yes to all of the above. I spent most of my life deathly afraid of men so never saw how hurtful many women had been. The ways women hurt me were more emotional than men. After a year and a half with a super nurturing male T everything looks different.
As far as T abandoning me though, no worries there. He has made sure I know that he will be in the building, I still see him every other week, we can go back to every week he will just need to schedule it out... so I am OK there.