|
Guest
|
Jul 24, 2020 at 08:08 PM
In normal times, I struggle with loneliness because I'm not social. For some reason I cannot connect with people, and people cannot connect with me.
It's become really bad 5 years ago when I lost my self-esteem during my studies because I struggled to finish. My positive self-image has been shattered. After that nothing has worked for me because of the lost self-esteem. I have been seeing failure in everything I am thinking to do and before I do it. And this applies to social interactions. I assume others would reject me, and just walk away, which is what was happening with me before, so I avoid the interactions in the first place. I am afraid they would know I am a failure in life with no friends, no decent job, ... no nothing, and I am not not pleasant person to be around.
Now with this pandemic, I just stay home (I live alone) and I go out once a week to buy groceries, but I don't think I will be able to bear this much longer. I am losing my mind, and feel I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Above all of that, my neighbor who lives above my apartment is so noisy (plays loud music, steps hard on the floor, and I swear he even lifts weights and exercises in his apartment, and I can hear him when he walks barefoot from my apartment  )
I know some people like working from home, but I really don't. I miss the commute. I miss crowding people in the subway. I miss waking up early and taking a shower and put some clean clothes and head to work. I miss talking to people at work, although it was about work. I felt like a human being. Now I am depressed, and have no motivation to do the simplest of things, like washing the dishes.
I am fully aware this post is full of self-pity and negative talk but I don't know what else to do. At least I need to get this out. I don't have a mental strength to walk through these times. Not alone anyway.
Thanks for reading!
|
|
|
 Reply With Quote
|