I really have begun to understand that meaning is everything. In the situations you are describing, what you're really saying is that when something happens, it MEANS that they are attacking you or something similar, and that is why you have the negative feelings and your mind races to a similar conclusion.

Meaning is fundamental in the area of the mind, because it determines what we will and won't do when something happens.

I come from an abusive childhood myself as well; for years, that MEANT that I was inferior. It MEANT that I would never catch-up to the maturity level of others. It MEANT that I should have been able to do more in less time.

When I began to change the meaning of my past, I didn't have to try to change my reactions to things; it was automatic. If my past MEANT that I have become stronger and more capable, then if someone criticizes me for not being mature (a past trigger point), it no longer phases me, because I've shifted my meaning of my past to something more empowering.

So, how do we change meaning? Change focus. When my past meant that I was disadvantaged and inferior, it was because I was FOCUSING on all the past hurts and offenses that I had been through. When I change my focus to how I'm stronger now because I've been through all of my stuff, and started noticing how I am actually a good guy, I started having more confidence in myself, and the meaning of my past changed.

If you want to delve deeper into meaning and how to change it, I'd highly recommend Tony Robbins. His NAC (Neuro-Associative Conditioning) program is top-notch in this. He describes how to also change meaning by changing associations (anchors in NLP) to what we link up to events.

You can also look into NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), as that deals with a lot of the things he talks about, but in my opinion, his way of looking at things really is beneficial because he works with shifting meaning by changing focus, habitual feelings associated to ideas, etc.

I hope this helps.