Just prior to the COVID shutdown I joined a Celebrate Recovery group at a local church. Somebody here recommended it and it really is a wonderful program. It is helping me heal from codependency. It has helped me find my way back to my faith and this has been very comforting to me. It has also helped me make some important changes to my behaviors.

My Celebrate Recovery group continues to meet weekly on Zoom which has given me support during this shutdown. I feel a bit discouraged though because recently when my anxiety flared up again, I felt a bit judged in a Zoom meeting. I don’t like the attitude that having faith means you are not going to be anxious or make mistakes. I don’t think the judging was intentional. Most of my experience in the group has been compassionate and kind.

I am struggling again though because I personally don’t agree that people can be ‘perfect’ in their faith and it seems like that is kind of an expectation in religious circles. Sometimes I don’t feel I can be myself and be truthful. I think the more we try to be ‘perfect’’, the more we mess up. That’s been the case for me anyway. Learning to let go of control and perfectionism is part of my healing from codependency.

I am feeling disappointed and wondering whether to continue... I have been attending church online... attending zoom groups.... listening to Christian podcasts. I was looking forward to meeting back up with people after the shutdown. Lately I have just been feeling discouraged.