I don't think there is really much I can offer with regard to your concern. But I noticed you had yet to receive a reply to your post. So I thought I would at least acknowledge it.

I think about all I can say, with regard to your fantasies, is we all have our fantasies. And thoughts are just thoughts... nothing more. So, given what you went through growing up, your fantasies sound pretty "normal" to me. (That is... they are perhaps to be expected.)

There's an old saying that goes: "It's a case of mind over matter. IF you don't mind, it doesn't matter." But if these fantasies are of concern to you, then talking with a skilled mental health therapist about what you experienced growing up, & your fantasies, seems to me to have the best potential for resolving any lingering concerns you may have.

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of healing your inner child:

Healing Your Inner Child

6 Steps to Help Heal Your Inner Child

Healing My Inner Child

How I Healed My Inner Child



P.S. You may also want to take a look at the Childhood Emotional Neglect forum. Here's a link to that one just in case you haven't already found it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/

And here are links to 2 articles, also from PC's archives, on that subject as well:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/childh...he-fatal-flaw/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/invisi...ional-neglect/

Best wishes...