Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags
My step-father sexually abused me between the ages of 9 and 17. When I was 15 I tried to tell my mother. She entirely denied it; her words were, "You have misunderstood him, he doesn't know any other way to show that he loves you. It's his culture."
WTF.
So I never said another word, the step-father's abuse continued, I was raped by a guy when I was 15 and beaten with a motorcycle boot by another a year after that, a boyfriend, for refusing to have sex with him.
I never mentioned any of this to anyone, ever again, until I got into therapy.
When my mother was very old she suddenly said that if she had known what my step-father "was doing" she would have "killed him."
I told her not to worry about it. Of course she had known, but she had her weird relationship with him and she sacrificed me for it. But I still took good care of her when she was ill and aging. At least I can be proud that I chose to be forgiving enough to do so.
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That is truly harrowing BethRags, though I am encouraged to know that you've found a better place to be and made peace with one of the unknowing accomplices of this abuse. It might be on the surface that the perpetrator is the only one blamable for this, but oh do victims know well that this drags the other adults in the family with him. One hangup in words, attitude or action can ruin the relationship while walking on this delicate line.
My relationship with my mother was never the same after she did a weird thing by bringing my cousin to our house to live for 6 months(I will not expound upon the reason on here) after knowing what happened. Salt on the wound is an understatement. Some times people mess up and she is only human -- if only one day I could fully embrace that, my wound can start to heal better again.