Hi Sarah: I had hoped someone other than me would reply to your post. However, since that has not occurred (at least not yet), here's my "two-cents worth" as we used to say.

With regard to your having done things in the past to make yourself appear gay or transgender as a means of humiliating yourself, but now thinking you may have been hiding your feminine gender identity, I think these are the sorts of quandaries gender therapy along with the real-life experience that is recommended in the WPATH standards are intended to sort out.

As far as coming out experiences go, my sense is that each transgender person's coming-out experience is unique. There are individuals who, upon coming out, have lost everyone... family, friends... everyone. Others have been pleasantly surprised at how kind & supportive friends & family have been. (I suspect this is becoming more common now than it was not all that many years ago.) But I think, in most cases, even when individuals have lost many or all of their family & friends, they found new friends who appreciated them for their true selves. I think, ideally, it's best to start out by coming out to just a few family members &/or friends & professionals who are likely to be supportive & then come out gradually to others who may be less so. But sometimes that just isn't possible. And then one just has make the best one can of the situation.

My own "coming-out" experience (such as it was) was simply a pathetic mess. After a lifetime of hiding deep in the closet, so to speak, I happened on a transgender timeline video on YouTube uploaded by a YouTuber who was transitioning & whose video was documenting her progress up to that point. To this day I have no idea how I found that video; because I don't believe I had ever even heard the words "transgender" or "transsexual" prior to seeing that video. But find it I did. And watching it I was absolutely astounded. I had always assumed I was the only person in the world who had ever been so afflicted as to be a guy who wanted to be a girl. But here was someone who had had the same struggle & was doing something about it. Amazing! Unfortunately though I knew that, given my personal situation, it was too late for me.

Anyway... 2 or 3 weeks later (I would guess... memory fails me) I made my second & most serious attempt yet to end my life. (I'll spare you the details.) But in the process (I'm embarrassed to admit) I left my poor wife directions on how to find that video so she would at least understand something of what my suicide attempts had been about.) So that was my "coming-out" experience, such as it was. Subsequently my psychiatrist (whom I had been seeing since my first major suicide attempt) became aware of my transgender issues. And, at least for a short time, I also saw a gender therapist.

But the thing is... in my case... my wife simply didn't want to know anything about it & chose to bury it "under the rug", so to speak, as quickly & efficiently as possible. And my pdoc, although he would ask me during appointments how I was doing with it, was really only concerned with prescribing & monitoring psych med's. So my gender identity issues were more of a mere curiosity to him. And so, when it became apparent that absolutely nothing was going to change as a result of my lurching out of the closet, after a while I simply crept back in & closed the door. I'm still there. That's the extent of my own personal coming-out story.

I don't know if any of that really addresses any of your concerns. But that's what I have to offer regarding your post. I hope you are well. Best wishes...

P.S. Here's a link to an article I just happened to come across on another website. I thought you might find it to be of interest:

The Null HypotheCis