I used to barely drink at all because 1. I don't like the taste of alcoholic drinks that much and 2. I've always been worried of doing something embarrassing when drunk. I don't like to party much so there's never been much reason for me to drink.
Then about five weeks ago I made the mistake of drinking a little bit when I was feeling down and turns out it made me feel better. Not "better" in the normal sense, more like calmer and less stressed.
It kind of became a habit for me to drink a little bit almost every night because it just takes the edge of a little bit and helps me sleep. I only drink hard stuff like vodka because I can mix that and don't have to taste it as much and I only have to drink a little bit to feel the effect.
I feel weird about this because I know that drinking almost every day isn't the most sensible idea and drinking because you feel stress isn't good either.
At the same time I really don't drink a lot. Over the course of the last five weeks I drank three bottles of vodka (0,7 l) + two small bottles of jagermeister (0,1 l). Lots of people my age get wasted every weekend which is more alcohol in comparison.
I have never been wasted. I drink enough to get this slight buzz but stop before I actually get drunk. I've never been hungover either.
I feel conflicted because often I just feel really bad and I wish I could just get smashed so I would stop feeling all this crap and get my brain to stop thinking bad things. But I never do it because 1. I know it's a bad idea, 2. I'm afraid of what I would be like uncontrolled, and 3. a hangover sounds really unpleasant.
Some days I think **** this isn't good, I probably shouldn't be drinking every day. But then I think chill it's just 100 ml of vodka and you've never been drunk so it's ok.
For me it's basically wanting to do something but being sensible and ending up only doing the light version.
Is that ok or is it not or am I being unreasonable?
I'm 18 btw.