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will19 · Jul 26, 2020 at 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diurnal

In normal times, I struggle with loneliness because I'm not social. For some reason I cannot connect with people, and people cannot connect with me.

It's become really bad 5 years ago when I lost my self-esteem during my studies because I struggled to finish. My positive self-image has been shattered. After that nothing has worked for me because of the lost self-esteem. I have been seeing failure in everything I am thinking to do and before I do it. And this applies to social interactions. I assume others would reject me, and just walk away, which is what was happening with me before, so I avoid the interactions in the first place. I am afraid they would know I am a failure in life with no friends, no decent job, ... no nothing, and I am not not pleasant person to be around.

Now with this pandemic, I just stay home (I live alone) and I go out once a week to buy groceries, but I don't think I will be able to bear this much longer. I am losing my mind, and feel I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Above all of that, my neighbor who lives above my apartment is so noisy (plays loud music, steps hard on the floor, and I swear he even lifts weights and exercises in his apartment, and I can hear him when he walks barefoot from my apartment

)

I know some people like working from home, but I really don't. I miss the commute. I miss crowding people in the subway. I miss waking up early and taking a shower and put some clean clothes and head to work. I miss talking to people at work, although it was about work. I felt like a human being. Now I am depressed, and have no motivation to do the simplest of things, like washing the dishes.

I am fully aware this post is full of self-pity and negative talk but I don't know what else to do. At least I need to get this out. I don't have a mental strength to walk through these times. Not alone anyway.

Thanks for reading!

First of all I struggle myself. I don't have much going for me socially. I just talk to a friend by phone only and to my sister. That's all I have. I feel like I'm clueless as to how I can connect with others. I get the feeling that, at best, people like me but not crazy about me enough that they would want to do things with me. And then there are those that just don't like me and hardly know me.

About your upstairs neighbor, he sounds like me. I exercise (I had lifted weights but switched to band resistance because my downstairs neighbor complained to the apartment manager) and listen to music. But I don't listen to music a whole lot. Do you know him? Have you ever interacted with him? I think it's scary for a woman to approach a man about this issue. But if you can, it would be a good idea to have a little talk with him about it. But just be careful. If he's a nice guy it won't be much of a problem. You can go to your apartment manager and say something, and then the manager can tell him. It would be safer for you that way, but you risk having him give you an "evil eye" when you pass by him. That has happened to me. Also he may tag you if you do something wrong (called tit for tat). I posted about this on the Anxiety Forum - titled Now Having Anxiety About My Apartment.

It's funny how living in an apartment and living so close to others can be lonely, and yet, putting up with other people seems more common than making connections.