It looks like you have explored a range of options and you’ve found counselling feels best for you right now because it can potentially satisfy a need you have. It sounds like you feel lonely because you are unable to make meaningful connections with people and there it sounds like comes a fear, a fear of perhaps being hurt like you was before. You mention the transference/countertransference relationship, so there is a sense of awareness of your inner process as well. Is there a sense that your past is perhaps influencing a sort of caution in approaching people?

I relate to some of the things you’ve said here, especially around loneliness, trust, fear of getting hurt and betrayal. I do see that you are making progress, both with your own self exploration and with your therapists’ feedback. I agree with you that you can still make a choice, you have the power of choice.

Thank you for sharing on PC, I can see it hasn’t been easy for you to open up about the difficulties you’ve had to face and are facing right now.