I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to help you to understand the argument you encountered on FetLife. I think I'm simply going to echo divine1966's reply.

I've never been a member on FetLife. But I'm aware of it. And I have the impression there are some very angry argumentative members there. So I'd be inclined to agree that the problem here lies not with you but with whom you associate.

You mentioned you disabled your FetLife account. I think that was the best thing you could have done. I don't know what your interest is that led you to FetLife. But I have to believe there must be better places on the web to go. Best wishes...