I don't know what IED is, but I'm guessing that ODD is oppositional defient disorder. Which must be very upsetting and scary for everyone.

I've been through this with my son. As the family steps through the "evaluation" processes, you mostly learn what the child does NOT have. Eventually, you may or may not get a diagnosis and maybe even a reason why. But along the way you will learn what works and what doesn't work as far as how to help the child overcome the difficulties both at home and in school.

Getting an eval by a pediatric neurologist would be helpful - might be able to eliminate autism, pervasive developmental disorder, aspbergers, etc. Or you might confirm.

Geting an eval by a pediatric psychology is probably the most useful strategy. A psychology can help the family put an intervention plan together for at home as well as school.

I think that every child who is at risk of not being successfully ready for KG is eligible for evaluations/assessements through your local school district. Make contact with them and formally request a MultiFactor Evaluation or MFE. Don't let them put you off - insist. It is your right to request such an eval. You may or may not learn anything useful but it will be a start.

I found "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz to be very helpful. Sensory issues can cause a child to be irritated and grumpy a great deal of the time. My child had sensory issues. When my son started talking he was finally able to tell us that the socks had lumps in them that HURT his feet, that the tags in his shirts were ripping his skin, that a light touch on the back of his neck made him feel like he was in danger.

Also "the Explosive Child" by Ross W Greene. I found the explosive child to be really great because for the first time I realized that certain behavior problems more resemble learning disabilities then purposefully defient opposition. Imagine if you were dropped off in France without knowing any French.. and not only would you not understand what people are telling you, but that they were angry and being mean to you. That is what it is like for a child who has no clue what is going on around him and what is being expected of him.

Also, "A Mind at a Time" by Mel Levine. This book was very useful as it covered details about how people learn differently and have strengths that can be leveraged to compensate for those areas not so strong.

I can tell you that no child WANTS to be a behavior problem or oppositional. Something is wrong. You are the grandparent and your support and encouragment for your grandson's parents is soooo important. Because it can be a long and difficult journey ahead for them as they begin searching for solutions that will help their son grow into a happy healthy and productive member of our society. These parents will have to be this child's advocate for many years - longer than typical kids. And these parents are going to need as many friends and family standing with them as is possible.

It was helpful for me during my journey to read as much as I could, ask lots of questions from the professionals who evaluated my son, document everything - get a stack of folders and keep everything organized. I poured everything into diagnosing and learning new strategies. Very exhausting. I wish my mom would have offered to take the kids for a weekend - even the difficult child - so that my husband and I could reconnect. Maybe you can do that for your grandson's parents. Offer them a break now and then so that they can recharge their batteries.

Good luck.