I am so sorry you're dealing with this! I have a similar issue - I had so many bad reactions to meds when my dr started trying to medicate me that I'm now terrified to start new medicines. I don't have panic attacks, I .... just don't take the medicine. I've actually lied to drs and told them I tried a med and it gave me bad side effects to avoid having to ever start taking it. Terrible, I know. I just dread it. I worry that every new med will do something horrible. Over time, and increasingly poor health, I've had to take more and more pills, and am forcing myself to actually take the ones I need for health issues, so it's gradually gone down to the point where I just have to put the new pill in with my regular pills, and then pretend to myself it's not there when I'm taking them all. I'm pretty good at lying to myself, lol, so it works for me. Perhaps you could try easing yourself into it by taking vitamins or some other benign pill? I hope you feel better soon!!!!