Dear T,
It struck me tonight after I sent that email how you were part of why I squandered that motivation to get better after what happened near the end of last summer. If you'd been more supportive and less...I want to say "hurtful," but I know you'd just say "honest." But if you'd been to me more like how you are now.... Of course, i also keep thinking how none of that would have happened, not the thing with the concert, none of the summer ruptures, had Covid been last summer instead. And I also think how I was doing so much better and making all these improvements right before the pandemic. So I'm angry that it (the pandemic) happened and has gone on for so long (in large part because of our horrible leadership).

But I also feel like I could have made some of those changes sooner had you been different during those couple weeks when I really needed you...really that one week in particular. I wonder if we need to talk about that more? Or maybe I should just work on moving forward and accept that our relationship now is different than it was then...perhaps in no small part because the world is so different than it was then. I don't know. Maybe I'll just see where the conversation goes tomorrow.
Love,
LT

ETA: Or is it not so much that *you're* different now, but that *I* am? (Or maybe that's why the relationship is different.)