Your motivation as per your own words, is not to protect your loved ones, but to protect yourself from them possibly abandoning you.

That's what needs to be addressed here, not the notion of being selfish.

I do all the things you listed, yet I am open and up front about it, and no I don't bare my soul in order to do so.

If I'm depressed and need to isolate for a bit, I post a WhatsApp status informing my contacts I'll be radio silent, so that nobody worries.

If my stress and anxiety overwhelms me and I can't honour my committments, I cancel on people but let them know I'm not doing well ATM, etc etc.

I keep the communication lines open as far as possible so that my loved ones know what's happening and that I'm coping the best I know how. Or that I'm not coping and need extra support or understanding. A select few (maybe 3 people in total) besides my Pdoc will receive actual details, and that's because they genuinely care and want to understand what I'm going through.

So selfish or not, detailed or not, I believe it's not only responsible to be honest about what you're dealing with, but it also shows respect and integrity toward our loved ones.

My niece hid a lot of her depressive symptoms the past few months and the only good that did was send everyone into a frenzy when she was "suddenly" suicidal.

Which in my opinion was very irresponsible of her because something terrible could have happened had we not been worried about her and able to put the pieces of the puzzle together in time to support her.

Keeping people in the dark is a surefire way to make them worry.

She has now learned the value in being honest, even when she's not sharing every personal detail with whomever enquires about how she's doing.

Everyone needs to be held accountable for their actions, even us who suffer from MI, and that starts with being honest.

Also remember we can't fault anyone for not being there for us if we don't communicate that we actually need them...