So yesterday I was in a really really bad place. So I texted T to ask if we can talk briefly, and she texted me back and called me and we talked for about 10 minutes.

I have been crying all afternoon, and she could clearly hear that my voice was breaking when I was talking to her and I was kind of still crying. Anyway she said that she was glad that I reached out to her, and I thanked her for talking to me, and she said something like 'don't be silly, it's fine', and I just felt like I was a child, and she said that out of her maternal instinct. I didn't mind it, but it definitely felt weird.

It is also the first time that I was that vulnerable in front of her. Anyway I felt really stupid afterwards. She said we will talk more about what happened when I see her next.

I never ever cried in front of T. NEVER. I hardly even cried in front of people.

I'm still in a very bad place today. And I'm super super stressed.