I feel depressed a lot, but I can control my behaivour. its just that when i control myself, its so physically draining, to the point where I will be exhausted from just trying to not wallow in misery. In this state, however, I have brilliant ideas and thoughts, I can write so clearly and I get revelations and epiphanies, everything just comes into place. I wonder if I were to take some drug if it would zone me out to the point where I lost my creativity.