Is my depression inadequately managed? I don't think it is I have this numb, I'm about to cry feeling. I don't see pdoc for another month and honestly I don't think he'll care. If anything He'll be mad I didn't call when but I wasn't a danger to anyone. It kinda just comes with the territory for me but he doesn't know me. I kinda want to sink into comfortable sleepy depression not this insomnia, anxiety ridden, negative thoughts,,, kind of depression. Semi psychotic thing I'm in now.

I see T in a week and even though she says she doesn't deal with meds I need to have a serious conversation with her, I don't remember why I bothered getting back on medication. Pdoc will want me on the shot again if become noncompliant again. I don't want long times between appointments even if not medicated because if/when I decide I'd rather take meds then go to the hospital I'd rather it not be an appointment months way. At the same time if I'm not on meds I'm taking the spot of someone who needs their meds adjusted.

It's not just pdoc/meds I want to ditch but T too. even though we're close I wont tell her unless really bad what I'm experiencing. She doesn't know why I went off meds or why I went back on meds. now I don't either. I don't think she knows when I'm alone I hear things and want to ground using SH. because I call it anxiety. She does constantly remind me I have a very serious/ severe mental illness. So I think she's prepped to hear anything from me.I just don't feel I'm making progress. My husband can't be around 24/7. Hell the only break he gets from me is when my family is around and when I'm hospitalized.