This is my first check in. I'm going to be honest, because I rarely am about how I really feel.

I feel lost. I feel self-hatred and I feel devastated. I have such a hard time sleeping and when I eat too much I hate myself more. I punished myself with walking 15 km despite working 11 hours.

My relationship is not good. We've argued for days he even called for a break and we tried to work it out but he's being really weird.

I know I'm probably stupid for not taking meds, but I hated the weight gain and anxiety it gave me. I've worked so hard losing nearly 20 kilos (43 lbs) and it makes me feel better knowing that I look better.

I feel hopeless and lost. I just don't know what to do. I have a work therapist, but she's on maternity leave, so I have no contact right now.

I'm sorry if this is not where to post this. I'm new and I just need to let it all out