Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnMiller
This is my first check in. I'm going to be honest, because I rarely am about how I really feel.
I feel lost. I feel self-hatred and I feel devastated. I have such a hard time sleeping and when I eat too much I hate myself more. I punished myself with walking 15 km despite working 11 hours.
My relationship is not good. We've argued for days he even called for a break and we tried to work it out but he's being really weird.
I know I'm probably stupid for not taking meds, but I hated the weight gain and anxiety it gave me. I've worked so hard losing nearly 20 kilos (43 lbs) and it makes me feel better knowing that I look better.
I feel hopeless and lost. I just don't know what to do. I have a work therapist, but she's on maternity leave, so I have no contact right now.
I'm sorry if this is not where to post this. I'm new and I just need to let it all out
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Hey, Dawn. Think I said hi on Intro. thread. Very sorry for ur struggles
Do u have bp1 or 2?
Generally, only a very few people w bipolar disorder can thrive off meds. Pretty rare. The problem is, the bipolar brain is profoundly abnormal even when euthymic. There is great difficulty handling life stressors without causing episodes. Actually. The longer u have it, the more likely little stresses cause massive flares.
Exercise is mandatory. It mitigates depression, thickens the brain, and allows damage to heal. Keep it up.
Meds that r very good and fairly wt.-neutral include Abilify and Geodon. Both good. Lithium is the gold standard and causes the brain to thicken and heal. If I were u, I wld start lithium and Abilify. Other people will have other thoughts
Gd. Luck 2 u!!
Hugs.