Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius
Just another day. Nothing seems to be going right in any regard. I know I have you all as a support, but I feel isolated and vulnerable. You’d think I’d get over the little things— like minor inequities and injustice. Or just not let negativity drive my “car”. I just don’t have the energy to fight with it anymore. At least today is the last day of my work week. I don’t think I’ll be spending it doing anything but sleeping.
Sometimes I even question why I stick around here. I contribute little and complain a lot. I either need to change that. Or change that. Lol. This place can be “triggering” for me. One bad experience and everything is seen through the light of that. Sometimes I’d do anything to have the ability to not just let go, but to forget.
Low self esteem, despression, hard times, limited support and resources, and mental and physical exhaustion. None of this is idea, but it is what it is and I have to face it head on. I talk to my pdoc tomorrow and I don’t even know what to tell him. I mean; medicine can only do so much. It’ll probably just be a “do you need refills?” Kinda thing. Call it the depression talking, but I don’t see much difference in tweaking a med I just started taking or the others at this point.
For those of you who think about me and keep me in your prayers — thank you. I don’t know any of you on a personal level yet you still show such concern for me. That’s not something I take lightly. Sincerely, thank you. I may lose sight as to the realities of what this forum is or how it works, but I won’t forget the kindness of you guys towards me.
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Hi MarcusAurelius. I have felt supported by you a lot these past few days. I appreciate that very much. I've been glad to get to know you a little better, too. I would love to support you, the best that I can. You are always welcome to send me a PM if you like.
I mentioned to you that I wondered why I should stick around. I got to a point where I felt I gave a lot, but only a few people even appreciated my contributions. And many didn't seem to acknowledge my presence a lot of the time, or even seem to want to know me. One person in the past even acted in passive aggressive ways. So, I totally get the feeling you are describing. However, I did come back. I came back because I know that quality is more important than quantity. If I can have just one, or two, or if I'm lucky three nice friends here that's worth it. I do have at least one very very good pal here that I trust, and have a few others that I feel close to or are excited about getting closer to. Like you. At least, I see them as people I believe have true open arms. People that I can extend arms to and not be rejected or reached out to conditionally. Or rejected straight up. I imagine you're like me and like to be true to yourself. I feel being untrue to myself is like losing myself.
So, an inequity has been done somewhere. Yes, we could grieve or run away. Or, we can move on from that and rise above. Those who "win" or get greater benefit, when it's undeserved, are really not true winners, in the end.
