Everyone pulls away when depressed , thats just the way it works.

You have been struggling hard for a long time, Meds can help but your always struggling to take consistantly. So you have to put structure in your life, Force yourself to do XYZ daily. No excuses and not just for a week or two, but every day.

As for feeling suicidal which is bad enough but feeling homicidal ??? How can feeling that be okay in any way shape or form ??? Well If that doesnt get your attention that you NEED medication for your own safety but for those of your family .....then I dont know what to say????

I really hope you find a way to feel better but meds can only do so much