I haven't been able to reach my father this morning. I'm assuming that he has turned off his cell phone, or sees me calling and won't answer. I can't leave a vmx because his voice mail has been full for many months now, plus he never listens to it anyway, thus the full voice mail. Tomorrow he is supposed to be coming home, but he's in a panic and making threats that if we try to return him home that he will start drinking. It is clearly a child-like threat and not a legitimate feeling of loss of control. Well, perhaps it is to some degree in that he has never, and probably will never, try to work to get his anxiety under control through any healthier method of any sort, therapeutic or otherwise. The fact is that he wants to hide away. He wants to hide away from my siblings and me. I told my sister that he is afraid of us, in a sense. There is no good reason for him to be afraid of us other than that we want to help him out of his cave. When he's expressed the fear to me I have told him that fear must be addressed with support (therapeutic, family, ADL/IADL assistance, daily visiting home healthcare professional). That we must face our fears and not hide from them. It's much like an agoraphobia of sorts. Him staying where he's at for much longer is detrimental in many ways. If we could just finally get him to a few doctor appointments the situation could turn so that he could return to the facility long-term. He doesn't want to know and face reality. He does now know that my siblings and I know what the reality likely is. He'd rather only socialize with people that feed him false reality or that accept his false reality and enable it.

I suggested to my sister, who is the facility's main contact for our dad, if the NP there would consider giving our dad extra PRN Ativan tomorrow, if he shows signs of panic attack or hysterical behavior, which he's had many times. He already takes some Ativan. I really think that would help him.

This is the immediate stressor for my family that I mentioned yesterday. Please wish us all luck tomorrow. We really need it!