Ok thanks for clarifying. This is when you focus on how your daughter feels. Given that her aunt chose to give her such an expensive gift she can accept and appreciate it without involving herself in any of the disagreements that her aunt has with you or your husband.

This situation only becomes a manipulative tactic if you allow it. This is an opportunity to sit with your daughter and explain to her that you have had problems with her aunt but she doesn’t have to be part of that and can simply show appreciation for the aunt giving her such a nice gift.

You can have a conversation with your daughter about how this aunt can be as a person. There is nothing wrong with observing behaviors in others to learn about that other persons character traits. Your daughter can choose to show good manners and thank this aunt for this very special gift. Your daughter doesn’t need to feel she needs to include herself in any disagreements or negative interactions of others.

Your daughter can choose to be a nice person and at the same time distance herself from getting involved with any disputes others may be having. This is an important life lesson for your daughter. She needs to learn that she is only going to be used as some kind of pawn if she LETS that happen.

This is a situation that your daughter needs to learn how SHE can best navigate. As this kind of dynamic will come up at other times in her life too. Your daughter can be her own person and observe the overall character of others and choose not to become anyone’s pawn but instead just be a good independent nice person

There is only motive and manipulation if you allow it. Yes this is YOUR daughter. Yet she is also coming of age where she needs to also be her own person too. .