I saw my psychiatrist through telehealth today. All my concerns kind of went out the window. I tried to address some but not all because of fear, so I don’t really blame him for the issue there. However with my mentality and mood I may not even get the medicines I need let alone what he prescribed.

First in for most, I really hate that they’re harping on this PTSD thing. That crap was 20 some years ago, i’ve done all the thinking I want on the subject and I’m doing better. That isn’t to say that I am “cured” or that it doesn’t affect me now, it’s just it’s not as pressing as it was. What is a pressing issue is the fact that I can’t even get out of bed to eat. All I do is sleep and when I’m awake I want to be alone. Can we focus on that? I can already hear the comments of “maybe that’s why you are experiencing those things...” . I had enough wrong with me before and mismanaged medication that I know that my problems are beyond PTSD only. I guess I’m the only one I feel who has that whole picture since it’s a new psychiatrist and a new therapist. For the sake of argument, we can say that PTSD is causing the symptoms, but they’re familiar symptoms that I’ve had well before I had memories. No more severe no less severe.

I tried calling the office to set everything up for the next appointment and make sure that my meds get called in because he asked for my pharmacy number and I didn’t have it on hand. I’m not even sure she understood I was looking for an appointment but she did book me for something, and when I expressed to her what the doctor said about medicine she said she’d leave a message… But didn’t take the phone number and hung up. I’m too tired and stressed and annoyed to care. I’m not calling back today. I may not call back at all. I believe in medicine and I think that it’s helpful but I’m just not in a place where I have the energy to fight to get what I need.

He insists that I take an SSRI with everything else. I’ve never responded well to SSRIs in the past, but that was mono therapy. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and say maybe with the rest in conjunction it may do something for me. He thinks that we’re working with all of the neurotransmitters in the brain except serotonin so let’s try that essentially. He put me on Zoloft, which was the first medicine I ever took and it is associated with weight gain for me but I guess it’s just something I’m gonna have to work through. If it helps me then it helps me.

He decided to take me off Seroquel as an every day medicine and just use it for sleep (or there is a chance he changed his mind into keeping me on it in conjunction with this other medicine) and put me on something I’ve never even heard of (and I’ve done a lot of research into a psychiatric medications). The connection wasn’t the greatest but I do know it started with a P and ended with a Zine. A little guesswork and I think what he was saying is promazine(Sparine) more possible Thorazine. I may never know because my pharmacy will never get my medicines called in.🙄haha don’t quote me on this one— I could be wayyy off base.

It’s just disheartening that I’ve tried so much and nothing helps at least in long-term. I put my work in therapy, I try my hardest In life and I just feel like him up short every time. So that’s where I am.

I’m looking for support in this post. Please do not dog me about medicine adherence, being open with tour doctor, taking care of yourself etc. Absolutely none of that is helpful right now for the way that I feel. I just want to know someone understands that I’m tired and the frustration.

Just to be clear — I take lamictal, Wellbutrin, and seroquel before he’d made changes.

UPDATE: The medication is Prazosin. It’s used to treat PTSD... 😞. Oh well, let’s see how it goes.