I understand but I’m just trying to make sense of why she does what she does. I attended a 12 week Nami course for families of those with mental illness and a whole bunch of people there had no official diagnosis despite having been to psychiatrists with thei loved ones. I think it’s really hard to pin point what it is exactly that they have. From my point of view I’m trying to work out why and what drives her behavior because it’s definitely not within a range of ( I hesitate to use the word) normal. I’ve been through hell and back and still am. I don’t say to her directly I think you are BPD or whatever, but I do privately try to work out what it is partly so I can either help her or just know the best way to respond to her. That’s all.