TRIGGER WARNING--S AND ABUSE

Hey, gang. Need help w a symptom I have suffered over the last 15 years. Long story, try 2 kp it shrt.
dj
First 4 context, we now believe I have a congenital neurodevelopmental disorder comprised of congenital, childhood onset bp 1, seizures, 6th and 7th cranial nerve palsies, congenital left eye blindness, and bad scoliosis w a nasal deformity. It does not have a name yet.

As some know, my bp was depression-dominant until 2005, age 40. When I suddenly became manic and psychotic. I remained manic and psychotic 4 the next 2 yrs despite aggressive measures and mult IP stays. My main manic-psych sx's were: xtreme euphoria, deciding I was Jesus and the president, trying to buy 6 companies in my industry 4 a billion dollars, xtreme agitation, rage, believing movies were made expressly about me, chasing old flames when my loving partner was pregnant, flt of ideas, days w-o sleep, deciding I was the smartest person on earth, fast speech, etc.

Very early on, my first nt of mania, a holographic flat panel screen appeared floating in space while meditating. First it was fuzzy, then, in faded a static image of my wife. At the same time, certain information appeared in my consciousness, like a download or something. No words or voices. The information was the most definitive, certain data I had ever received about anything in my life. It said: You will be divorced. Nothing can alter this. It is already done.

Tho I was rocked and did not know from whom this had come, It was clear it was already done. The most certain thing I had ever been told, bar none. It was Absolute. Marriage at the time was very happy and solid. Exactly 2 yrs later she filed and we were divorced.

I had a a whole series of these "visions," all w different content. They were: there will be a life-threatening car crash w injuries; you will be held against your will on two separate occasions, one brief. One very long. Probably prison or sthing similar. The 2nd of these wld occur because of my religious faith. It said. Another showed a gorgeous blond woman walking dwn an elegant mahogany floating stairway in a lovely apt in our Pearl District w shrt bld hair, tall, thin. Bla ck iron railings. The woman was tall and thin. She wld love me. We wld live in that home. This one was delivered the same nt I learned of the divorce. One final one said, even tho I wld be locked up, in the end, everything wld be okay and happy after much pain and trial. I wld write a bk about it and it wld be successful. Finally, the source revealed itself to me very quietly and briefly: zero question: this was all coming from God. Did not ever say why.

I stopped driving and tried 2 make wife happy. Tried to avoid police, easy, as I have never even had a speeding tkt. Contd 2 try 2 be good Christian. Over nxt 2 yrs, i met a woman. The exact one frm the vision. Not close, her. One day, she went out to find us a place. No discussion. It contained the exact stairwell frm the vision. Not close. It. In the Pearl, where I had no desire to live and really had never been.

Somehow, 2 yrs later, was driving again. Huge crash w injuries. As it happened, the car and road disappeared, replaced w a bright white tunnel. Most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I survived 60 mph into concrete wall.

I spent 3 days in jail, charged w assault and faced 7 yrs in the pen. Reason 4 charge is that, when cop interviewed me, I was psychotic. Told him it was God's will, which it clearly was. Cld have likely avoided charges had I lied about God. Not option 2 sell out God ever. I was following His command. They say this meant I intended to harm the other person. Spent 5 yrs state hospital.

No vizns since 07. 6 days ago, had one about past, not future. Tells me I was sexually abused by nanny age 2.

Thoughts for me?

THNX!!!!