Thanks for your support. I’m just glad others understand how tiring it is to have to “try out” countless meds and bear side effects and fear the serious ones and if they do work, pray it’ll last but in my case doesn’t seem to happen.

To be quite honest; I’m afraid to take these drugs. I know he’s the psychiatrist and he knows what he is doing but I’m just afraid. First and foremost, I think I gave him the wrong impression about sleep and nightmares when he asked. The Prazosin is for PTSD related nightmares. Side effects are quite scary considering it’s a blood pressure pill. My nightmares and lack of sleep aren’t PTSD related, they’re life related. My bad dreams and nightmares come from my current situation, and failed endeavors. I may be splitting hairs here, but I honestly feel like it’s unnecessary. Nightmares aren’t every night and are kind of sporadic.

Zoloft was a disappointment for me, and it’s hard to shake that feeling. I just feel like I’ll suffer the side effects of weight gain and ED again and for what? That isn’t a fair assessment, with these other meds maybe it’ll help: but it’s hard for me to see it any other way.

Zoloft, celexa, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, Gabapentin, Buspar, Klonopin, Cymbalta, Abilify, Effexor, Paxil, Seroquel — just to name a few trial/errors I’ve been through in 6 years. They’re mostly antidepressants but that’s where my real negative symptoms lie. That’s when we changed course med wise and tried some other types of psychiatric drugs.

Lamictal and Wellbutrin SR I’ve been on for awhile and seemed to do well with the abilify; which he switched to seroquel, which now is out of the equation. I know everyone is just trying to help me get better, but doesn’t it seem like to anyone else maybe this just isn’t worth the effort? I don’t want to “try” more med combinations. I don’t want to talk in therapy, I know I’m depressed but I think I have a point here — I want a break from all that. If sleeping and being left alone are what I feel right now; maybe it’s my body’s way or saying it’s just what I need. Depression aside, fighting it isn’t doing me much good.

I guess I’m being self-defeating, giving up before I even start. I know others have a clearer head than I do right now; and they are trying to help. But I feel I don’t have much of a say in it: I feel stuck. I hate being this way but I don’t have the energy to change.

I’m not suicidal or anything, just very low I guess. Does any of this resonate with anyone? I feel like I’m out in left field all alone.