Quote:
Originally Posted by Diurnal
In normal times, I struggle with loneliness because I'm not social. For some reason I cannot connect with people, and people cannot connect with me.
It's become really bad 5 years ago when I lost my self-esteem during my studies because I struggled to finish. My positive self-image has been shattered. After that nothing has worked for me because of the lost self-esteem. I have been seeing failure in everything I am thinking to do and before I do it. And this applies to social interactions. I assume others would reject me, and just walk away, which is what was happening with me before, so I avoid the interactions in the first place. I am afraid they would know I am a failure in life with no friends, no decent job, ... no nothing, and I am not not pleasant person to be around.
Now with this pandemic, I just stay home (I live alone) and I go out once a week to buy groceries, but I don't think I will be able to bear this much longer. I am losing my mind, and feel I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Above all of that, my neighbor who lives above my apartment is so noisy (plays loud music, steps hard on the floor, and I swear he even lifts weights and exercises in his apartment, and I can hear him when he walks barefoot from my apartment  )
I know some people like working from home, but I really don't. I miss the commute. I miss crowding people in the subway. I miss waking up early and taking a shower and put some clean clothes and head to work. I miss talking to people at work, although it was about work. I felt like a human being. Now I am depressed, and have no motivation to do the simplest of things, like washing the dishes.
I am fully aware this post is full of self-pity and negative talk but I don't know what else to do. At least I need to get this out. I don't have a mental strength to walk through these times. Not alone anyway.
Thanks for reading!
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Hi You're not alone. I just Your post ....I too love alone ...since pandemic I've been home by myself all the time ....my emotions are constantly going up and down ...I have been on PC more and I know for me it's a huge support
Also it's good to get things out instead of keeping in ....I don't like thinking people with mental illness or going through a severe depressive state "feel sorry for themselves "
Our feelings and emotions are real and reaching out to others like here on PC about how we feel can be helpful especially knowing You're not alone
I know this is a difficult time for everyone ...please hang in and Stay Safe ...You're not alone ok ....