Well... you all know me around this situation.

Meds were fine when I started taking Anti-depressants in 2009-2010. Then when I was diagnosed in late 2010 with bipolar 1 I started on meds less than a month after being diagnosed. I have not been med compliant since Nov 2010.

1. I feel they suck the goodness/ social butterfly-ness out of me

2. I'm dumb down due to them

3. I resent them

4. I'm gagging cause of them

5. I'm only technically on a Mood Stabliser and an Anti-Psychotic in total I'm meant to take 5 tablets in the morning and 2 tablets at night

6. I'm prone to finding them tampered with/are poison

I set my meds out every Sunday night for the week in a dosset box. I have 3 alarms on my phone, 2 apps for meds and i have a visual on my wall saying to take them. But nothing is helping me.

My CPN and Psychiatrist thought about the depot injection but they say there isn't one for my mood stabiliser. Just for my Anti-Psychotic. So there would be no point.

I'm crying out for someone to help me get back on track, although I feel good I know this isn't always be the case and the psychosis will come then the depression will come....

Will I ever be med compliant God knows... I'm tired of fighting it though