Today we talked about my various growing concerns about J. Then at the end I felt sad all of a sudden and T asked why and I told him that I missed him. I didn't know why I felt that way and it was scary to say it but I said it anyway. T thought for a second and then prevaricated for another and then said, "I think it's because I'm less your erotic object now." I hated hearing that because I don't like to think that he was ever my erotic object. I dunno if that means he's wrong, though.